“Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad?”
There were days in my past where I would feel extremely depressed. I would lock myself away in my closet and pray to God that He wouldn’t wake me up in the morning, and there were times when I wanted to flip my car while driving down an empty street at night. I’m not proud of those dark times and they are something I like to ignore and keep hidden from people. But God guided me through all those times and my biggest regret is that I didn’t immediately reject those thoughts and cling to him.
“I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again- my savior and my God!”
Throughout everything God was my only constant. He held onto me while I was selfish and disobedient. Every time I would drift away I would crave his presence. “I thirst for God, the Living God. When can I go and stand before him?” Every glimpse I got of him made me feel whole and I would question why I would ever let myself grow apart from Him.
Jesus died and rose again so that we could know him personally, and I fell into dark times because I was not diligent in my relationship with him. Hebrew 2:1 says “So we must listen very carefully to the truth we have heard, or we may drift away from it”. I was not doing this. I was drifting.
I grew up in a Christian family and as far back as I remember I believed in God and wanted to know Him. For a while I was commended by other Christians for my accomplishments and I had a personal relationship with God, but at some point I put it on cruise and I stopped seeking to know Him because I thought I already knew Him. It wouldn’t be until times got tough that I would beg to hear his voice again.
“Now I am deeply discouraged, but I will remember you-” when the darkness comes, I will worship God. I will set my mind towards Him, away from the present situation and my inability to help myself. Instead I will meditate on God’s goodness and his able-ness in all things.
God is constantly there for you, wanting to spend time with you, only coming to him when there is a problem is a waste of this beautiful gift his Son gave us. We should strive to always be in his presence.
“But each day the LORD pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life.”